We are continuously modifying our relationships, and they are continuously modifying us. In a single day, how many times are you looking to another person and adjusting yourself? Letting the other person modify you? Trying to change the other person? And I’m not just talking about behavior changes. Our physiology changes, moment to moment, based on what’s happening in relationships. Or even what we imagine is happening. There are a thousand potential moments in a day to:
This is nothing but good news to me. If you miss a bus, you just catch the next one. Because it’s coming, Denise. There are humans out there. What do some of these moments look like? Let me give you some examples.
Observing these iterations, these modifications, helps you be more neutral about them. Neutrality isn’t about letting yourself off the hook—it’s about seeing the process of how you get steady, appreciating both its benefits and costs, and making choices based on these facts. And then the change happens, moment to moment. Sometimes big moves are a part of growing up, but often it’s the small, thoughtful moves that build a life that is more consistent with your beliefs and best thinking. What would it look like to get better at noticing these moments? Could you take a day, or week, or even a hour-long meeting or dinner with your family to see what you notice? Here are some questions you can ask:
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News from KathleenWRITING WORKSHOP! Check out my online Feb 17 writing workshop with the Family Systems Institute in Sydney. (Note that it will be the evening of Monday Feb 16 for many of you in the U.S.). The paperback version of True to You is dropping in March. You can preorder it wherever you buy books. Email me if you want me to speak to your group or are interested in doing family systems work with me. Buy my books True to You and Everything Isn’t Terrible for more in-depth stories of people working on their relationships and themselves. If you love them, consider giving them a review on Amazon so other folks can find them. If you haven’t gotten the free digital workbooks for them, email me. Want to read more of my writing? Check out my newsletter archives. Paid subscribers can access the entire archive. You're currently a free subscriber to The Anxious Overachiever. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
ponedjeljak, 2. veljače 2026.
How We Use Others to Manage Our Insides
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My book is here!
Along with some excerpts, essays, and interviews—and I could use your help launching it into the world. ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ...
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Plus: Kicking off Pride Month with the new Goodnewspaper and more good news to celebrate! ...
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Plus: A landmark ruling for new fossil fuel projects and more good news to celebrate! ...
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And a job board for work in the food industry ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ͏ ...


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