At the end of today’s newsletter you’ll find a new video segment I’m testing out, called Two Books, Two Therapists. Hope you enjoy! - K What would it be like to be someone who is thinking about triangles throughout their day? Would it feel like a superpower? Would it make life calmer, more challenging, or just more interesting? To think about these questions, I’ve composed a little story about a fictional woman named Laura. Laura is a little more differentiated than many of us sensitive critters, because she is somehow able to observe and think about triangles all day. Read it and see if you can count how many triangles Laura has to navigate. Would you handle any of the situations differently? Laura wakes up to the sounds of her two teenagers arguing. She feels an impulse to intervene, but takes a breath and listens for a moment. They actually are making some attempts to manage the conflict. Good for them. At breakfast, her husband tries to impart wisdom to the kids on how to get along better. She makes a mental note to tell him not to lecture them so much, then crosses it out when she realizes that her telling him not to intervene would also be intervening. When Laura arrives at the office, she immediately is greeted by a colleague, Bob, who has gotten an angry email from the boss. Bob is clearly is waiting for her to say something negative about their boss, but Laura says, “Sounds like a tough challenge for the start of the week. Let me know if you come up with any good thinking.” In the first meeting of the day, Laura notices feelings of jealousy when two colleagues are praised after a brief presentation on their project. “I could have done a much better job than that,” she thinks. Or maybe she’s just feeling stirred up by being on the outside of what seems to be a fun collaboration. That’s it. During lunch, her father calls her to ask her if she can drive her mother to the eye doctor next Tuesday, because he’s going fishing with a friend. Laura starts to say, “Why are you calling me instead of her?” but instead she makes a note to call her mother later. At home that evening her husband says, “Laura, I’m worried about the kids. Sometimes I wonder if they’ll be friends as adults. I don’t want them to end up like my sisters. What do you think we should do?” Laura notices her sensitivity to her husband’s anxiety. Rather than changing the subject, or telling him not to worry, she asks him a few questions about his own family. Then she says, “It’s a challenge to figure out when to intervene and when not to intervene with their arguing. How do you decide?” Later that evening, Laura calls her mother and asks, “What’s going on with you next week?” Her mother says, “Didn’t your father tell you about the eye doctor? I swear that man forgets everything.” Rather than defending her father, Laura says, “I can let you know my availability if you’ll let me know the appointment time.” Before bed, Laura’s closest friend from work, Renee, sends her a text. “Did you hear about the email the boss sent Bob?” Laura starts to reply then erases her response and puts down her phone. Better to tackle this with a fresh brain tomorrow. If you’d like to learn more about triangles and Bowen theory, here are a few similar posts:
Two Books, Two TherapistsPeople seem to like getting book recommendations at the end of my newsletter, so I’m trying out a new segment, called Two Books, Two Therapists. Every few weeks, I’ll post a short conversation with a therapist colleague where we each recommend the other a book. The only catch—it can’t be any kind of self-help or psychology book. For this trial run, I traded book recs with friend and Canadian colleague Dixie Vandersluys, who is a counselor, a faculty member at Living Systems, and the co-host of the Bowen theory podcast Elevator Systems. I was also a guest on Elevator Systems this week, so give it a listen. 
News from Kathleen**BONUS JOURNAL for the TRUE TO YOU paperback! I’ve created a digital bonus journal to accompany the paperback launch of True to You. Email me a copy of your receipt and I’ll send it to you. Email me if you want me to teach your organization about systems thinking, or you’re interested in doing family systems consultation/therapy with me. Buy my books True to You and Everything Isn’t Terrible for more in-depth stories of people working on their relationships and themselves. If you love them, consider giving them a review on Amazon so other folks can find them. If you haven’t gotten the free digital workbooks for them, email me.
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