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What is couples therapy for?We psychoanalyze the field, from its eugenicist origins to popular wisdom about marriage as 'hard work,' and consider the moral quandary of 'fixing' straight relationships, one by one.
In this episode…We talk couples therapy—the good, the bad, and the unequal. We look at sexism in the therapy room, consider how therapists try to save us from patriarchal socialization, and talk about the divorce stigma that shows up in the ever-popular belief that marriage is hard work. We ask: How does couples therapy challenge inequality in straight relationships—and how does it enable and excuse it? Along the way, we discover the maybe not-so-surprising origins of marital counseling in white supremacy and eugenics, the field’s mid-twentieth century makeover, and the 90s-era therapy boom, which collided head-on with the woefully overdue criminalization of marital rape, giving us the “love languages” and “appointment sex” trends we know today. After the paywall, we also share some very different, and very personal, couples therapy success stories—one that ended in divorce, and another in marital growth. Show highlights include…01:30 Couples therapy in pop culture—from Dying for Sex to Dr. Orna 5:40 Tabloid headlines about celebrities, like Barack and Michelle Obama, in couples therapy 10:30 The social and economic capital of being married 13:10 Meet the father of marriage counseling, a eugenicist 16:01 Marriage counseling evolved with the sexual revolution… or did it? 18:02 The 90s therapy boom and the criminalization of marital rape 20:20 John Gottman on wives’ “sour” faces and “divorce prediction” 24:05 Love languages and appointment sex 26:35 What is couples therapy for and how do we define it as a success? 26:00 Tracy on the widespread belief that marriage is joyless and punishing 27:18 Amanda on divorced women becoming an outlet for married people’s miseries 32:20 Women in straight marriages complaining about their partners with naturalizing language vs. women taking on the work of healing men’s patriarchal trauma: a memoir 34:40 Tracy asks: is couples therapy just a way of making the economic trap of marriage more survivable? 36:00 Divorce stigma 40:08 Reproduction of unequal power dynamics in the therapy room 41:50 Why couples stay in unequal relationships even when they believe in equality 43:45 Tracy and Amanda role play a couple in therapy lol 46:40 Questions for therapists to ask straight men in couples therapy 50:06 The moral quandary for therapists working with heterosexual married couples 56:34 Couples therapy as a powder keg 57:35 Amanda and Tracy go deep on their own experiences with couples therapy Tell us ALL about your experiences with couples therapy in the comments.Subscribe to Dire Straights to unlock the rest.Become a paying subscriber of Dire Straights to get access to this post and other subscriber-only content. A subscription gets you:
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srijeda, 25. lipnja 2025.
What is couples therapy for?
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