Is there really a "right" way to apologize?
It's hard to apologize. Whether you're not used to doing it, trying to find the perfect way to make amends, or struggling to take accountability, acknowledging that you messed up sucks.
Plus, if you're scared of seeing yourself in a negative light or letting others in on your mistakes, apologizing can be extra triggering, says Amalia Miralrío, LMSW, LCSW.
You might believe admitting fault is evidence that you're a bad person who's undeserving of attention or love. That's especially true if you weren't allowed to make mistakes growing up, adds licensed psychologist Kyler Shumway, PsyD.
If you can relate, remember apologizing is a skill that builds healthier relationships with yourself and others. Over time, you'll learn that it's OK to screw up and admit fault. Doing so might even lead to deeper connections with those you care about most. Which, yeah, sounds pretty good.
You don't even have to apologize perfectly, says Dr. Shumway. "It's about intention," he explains. "What matters most is showing the other person you're willing to take responsibility and repair the relationship."
No matter what you're apologizing for, the goal is to have an open heart and mind—and prove that you care, Dr. Shumway says. In other words, you don't need the perfect tone or even a script to apologize effectively, he says.
With that in mind, here's what you do need to express your regret, make amends, and move forward in a sincere way. You got this!
Consider your motives.
If your goal is to make this problem go away, you're doing it wrong. Like we said, apologizing is about acknowledging that you messed up and that you care about the person you hurt.
So, if you're trying to fast-forward through some conflict by owning up to something that wasn't your fault (it happens) or saying sorry when you're not, do not pass go.
Dr. Shumway says those motives can make your delivery seem insincere (maybe? because? it is?). "A meaningful apology comes from caring about the other person and wanting to repair the relationship," he adds.
Get grounded.
It's understandable if the idea of apologizing freaks you out. While that's not an excuse to avoid fessing up, taking a sec to remind yourself it's safe before diving in might be warranted.
When your heart is racing or you start to sweat, getting present can help you find some calm, says Dr. Shumway. If you're into affirmations, tell yourself, "Even though this feels awkward, I will be proud of myself for doing the right thing," Dr. Shumway suggests. You could also try, "People appreciate when I hold myself accountable."
Keep reading for 4 more tips on how to apologize correctly.
Nema komentara:
Objavi komentar