⚒️ Useful tools for managing your emotions 🎭

Plus: Do you barter? 💇‍♀️🫴🍪 We want to hear from you

View this email online Today’s newsletter is brought to you by Life Kit producer Clare Marie Schneider. Maybe you’ve heard this before: To let your feelings go or not get stuck in an emotional rut, you need to confront them in the moment as you experience them.  According to psychologist and neuroscientist Ethan Kross, that’s not always true. He says: “It's a myth that when we're experiencing some big emotion, we've got to get to the bottom of it right away.” Sometimes it can actually be beneficial to distract yourself from intense emotions, or strategically avoid them for a period of time, he says in his new book, Shift: Managing Your Emotions — So They Don't Manage You. For example, If you get a frustrating email from a colleague, maybe your first instinct is to write back right away while you’re still feeling provoked.  Kross suggests turning away from the upsetting email instead. “Take some time away, a few hours or even a few days."  When you return to the email, the time away often allows you to feel less upset, he says.  “Yes, I was triggered in the moment, but it’s no longer a big deal. I have a bit of a broader perspective that taking some time away has afforded me.”  Whether you decide to deep-dive into an emotion or put it to the side for now, you have the power to "turn the intensity up or down on an emotional response,” Kross says. ”You can go back and forth, and that can be useful for you.” Help me regulate my emotions woocat/Getty Images/iStockphoto In addition to “shifting” your emotions, as Kross calls it, you can also think through your response to common triggers using a technique called WOOP, developed by the psychologists Gabriele Oettingen and Peter Gollwitzer.    WOOP stands for “wish,” “outcome,” “obstacle” and “plan.” According to Kross, it can help “take the thinking out of regulating” your emotions, whether that’s anger, dread or despair. Instead of blowing up or responding in a way you feel ashamed of later, WOOP allows you to respond with more grace and clarity because you’ve thought it through when you’re not upset. “You know exactly what to do because you’ve rehearsed this.”  Here’s how the technique works:  Wish: How do you want to respond in the moment? Pick a goal for a recurring, negative emotional interaction with someone in your life. Maybe you get overly upset and snap at your kids when they don’t listen. In this example, your wish could be: I want to stay calm and kind when my kids don’t listen.  Outcome: What will you get if your wish is fulfilled? In this case, maybe the outcome is: I’ll have a better relationship with my kids if I stay calm. Kross says the result should be energizing and something that fuels you to pursue your wish.  Obstacle: What will get in the way of achieving your wish? Think through potential obstacles, so that you’re not surprised or caught off guard when they arise, Kross says. A potential obstacle could be: If I fixate on my kids being disrespectful for not listening, I might respond in a way that leads me to act out.  Plan: If you find yourself fixating on the disrespect, what will you do to pull yourself out of that emotional state? Your plan should be specific, says Kross. For example: I’ll take a timeout for 10 minutes or I’ll remind myself they’re just kids and I didn’t listen when I was a kid too.  I want to try WOOP Newsletter continues after sponsor message More episodes on how to manage your emotions Sol Cotti for NPR Reframe your relationship with dread: 5 exercises to help accept what scares you. Worried about deadlines, errands or your to-do list? Spend less time dreading the future with these simple exercises, from drawing the things that scare you to scheduling worry time. Read the story here.  Feeling lots of ... feelings? Journaling can help. If you have a lot on your mind, writing might help — and you don't need a fancy notebook or lots of time. Here's where to start. Read the story here.  Feeling anxious? Try smiling or doing a good deed to snap out of it. Clinical psychologist Jenny Taitz offers simple techniques to improve your mood and calm your body and mind in minutes. Read the story here.  How to deal with uncertainty — from people who have been there. Three people who have survived tough times and gained perspective share their advice. One tip? Accept that some days won’t look perfect, especially when you’re under a lot of stress. Read the story here.  How to prevent stress from escalating into distress. If you've been experiencing negative feelings like panic or anxiety for more than a few days, you might be in distress, says psychiatrist Dr. Kali Cyrus. Here's how to keep those emotions in check. Read the story here. Support our work & listen sponsor-free Support public media while getting expert advice on health, finance, relationships and more with Life Kit+. You'll get sponsor-free listening and even some specially curated playlists of episodes by theme (Master your budget, Organize your life, Move your body, and more).   Check out all the NPR+ benefits available at plus.npr.org. Explore Life Kit+ ✍️We want to hear from you: Do you practice bartering? LA Johnson/NPR Do you trade goods, services or skills for something else without using money? Maybe you’re great at cutting hair and you provide trims in exchange for a little resume help from a friend. Or maybe your neighbor gives you vegetables from their garden in exchange for help with sorting their trash and recycling.  However you’re bartering, we want to hear about it. All your experiences with money-free transactions are welcome. We may use your response in an upcoming Life Kit episode and on NPR.org. Email us at lifekit@npr.org.  This week on Life Kit Photo illustration by Beck Harlan/Getty Images/NPR Buy now, pay later loans are becoming more popular. Here's what to know. Klarna, Afterpay, Affirm — maybe you've noticed these platforms when shopping online. They allow you to break up large payments into smaller installments that you can pay over time, and are a popular alternative to credit cards. In this episode, we'll cover the pros and cons of these loans and how to use them responsibly. Listen to the episode here.  'Forgive yourself': 4 pieces of advice for caregivers, from caregivers. Two women who took care of their moms as unpaid caregivers share advice about how to approach the job, find support and make time for self-care. Read the story here.  A meal prep influencer shares 6 of his favorite cooking hacks. What's for dinner? It's a question that can lead to overspending on delivery, unhealthy meals and dread. FitMenCook founder Kevin Curry shares meal prep techniques that can alleviate stress and save money. Read the story here.  How to get on the same page about money with your partner. How financially compatible are you with your partner? Is your partner a spender while you’re a saver? Are you on the same page about saving for retirement? Financial therapist Shay Harris-Pierre explains how couples can examine their spending habits, work through money conflicts and align their financial goals. Listen to the episode here.  Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. 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