In theory, the logic is simple: When two people meet and start casually chatting before they decide to go on a date with each other, they're "talking." When they start dating but aren't sure if they want to be in a relationship (mutually undecided), they're…dating. When hooking up or dating has a whole lot of relationship-like qualities but there's no label on it, that's a situationship. It's also what situationship-haver Stephanie K., 27, calls "B.S."
"There are definitely feelings involved," says Stephanie K., who's been in a situationship for over a month now. "If we're talking every day, hooking up, and going on dates and weekend trips together, there's surely more to this, right?!"
The definition of a situationship varied among the mental health pros (and non-mental health pros) we spoke to, but the consensus is that there's usually emotional intimacy and/or sex without the commitment you'd see in a romantic relationship. This can be a major pro for those who don't want to commit for whatever reason, says relationship therapist Tasha Seiter, PhD, LMFT.
But situationships can take a toll on your mental well-being if you'd like to fully commit to a full-on relationship and the other person isn't on board. That fundamental disconnect can be a source of anxiety, low self-worth, and stress, says sex therapist and dating coach Michelle Herzog, LMFT, CST.
If you can relate, we asked mental health pros how you can emotionally and logistically deal when your situationship doesn't feel fun anymore.
Pay attention to your feels.
Because a situationship is essentially an undefined relationship, wanting something more means you could be ruminating on what they're thinking and if they care about you. But, when you bring your attention back to yourself, you can see more clearly if this situationship is a good fit, Herzog says.
One way to focus on yourself is to track how you feel when you're with them, says Herzog. Notice how interacting with the other person impacts your mind and body, she suggests. Are you feeling judged or validated? Are you tense or relaxed? You can write these things down in your Notes app after hanging out or talking to them, says Herzog. Equally important: paying attention to how you feel when you're not with them (in between your dates), whether that's calm and supported or anxious and unsure. Then, you can use these indicators to help you decide whether or not you want to keep this going.
Keep reading for more tips on figuring out what's right for you and, if you're ready to end things, actually move on.
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