Just another reminder to join me virtually on Friday, July 10, with the Center for Family Consultation. I’ll be presenting on how therapists stay curious in an impatient culture. I’ll have lots of creative exercises for you to do by yourself. Anxiety turns our behavior into a prix fixe menu. Dial up the intensity in a relationship, and the brain might say, Well, to start, you can choose between complaining to your spouse about them, or the spicier option, the high school friend group chat! Then for our mains, we’ve got trying to fix the identified “problem person,” or the chef’s personal favorite, emotionally withdrawing. Then some special sweets for dessert: you can recruit others to help you fix them, or cut off completely from the relationship. These shortcuts serve a purpose. They can dial down the anxiety, at least in the short term. I’ve written a lot about how we tend to double down on familiar patterns, our favorite dishes, when stress is up in a system. When people get interested in seeing themselves as part of the system, there is no set menu. This can be both unnerving and fascinating to realize that you can set aside fixing and withdrawing as options much of the time. As a therapist, it is a privilege to get to hear people describe their efforts in this unfamiliar territory. This could look like:
These positions do not “fix” others, but they can interrupt the familiar ways the anxiety gets managed. A person more responsibly managing their own stirred-up-ness does not have to find a person to fix, to manage, like a heat-seeking missile. They also don’t have to hit the eject button to calm down. You don’t have to be over-responsible, or unavailable, to get steady. Questions:
Similar posts: News from KathleenReading: I just finished In Ascension by Martin MacInnes and oh my goodness. One of the most beautiful science fiction novels I’ve read in years. If you like space and deep ocean mystery served with a side of family, then grab a copy. **CLINICAL CONFERENCE - Join me virtually on Friday, July 10, with the Center for Family Consultation. I’ll be presenting on how therapists stay curious in an impatient culture. I’ll have lots of exercises for you! **BONUS JOURNAL for the TRUE TO YOU paperback! I’ve created a digital bonus journal to accompany the paperback launch of True to You. Email me a copy of your receipt and I’ll send it to you. Email me if you want me to speak to your group or you’re interested in doing family systems consultation/therapy with me. Buy my books True to You and Everything Isn’t Terrible for more in-depth stories of people working on their relationships and themselves. If you love them, consider giving them a review on Amazon so other folks can find them. If you haven’t gotten the free digital workbooks for them, email me.
Want to read more of my writing? Check out my newsletter archives. Paid subscribers can access the entire archive. Follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram. You're currently a free subscriber to The Anxious Overachiever. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription.
|
Nema komentara:
Objavi komentar