Welcome to another illustrated edition of Haley Drew This! You can support this newsletter by clicking the ♡ button at the bottom and sharing this publication with your friends. Paid subscriptions keep it alive entirely. Thank you! #146: 5 things I wish I knew before publishing my first bookPlus Mother's Day Commissions are open!
Today marks two whole years since the publication of Give Me Space but Don’t Go Far! Here’s what I wish I knew before my book hit shelves: 1. Obsessing over the numbers will drive you madI’m embarrassed to admit how often I used to check my book sales. Sometimes I’d be thrilled to find an uptick in purchases. Other times, there was barely a change. This number (and any stat, really) had the power to brighten or darken my day in an instant—and the latter happened far more often.
It’s so human to use quantitative information as a datapoint in determining success. But that’s all it is: one datapoint amongst many datapoints. Try not to give it too much power. PS: This same philosophy applies to aging, weight, and social media among other things. Inescapable is all I’m saying. 2. The second your book is out in the world, it’s no longer yours to controlFor better or worse, every reader will have their own relationship with your book. When someone inevitably gives it a negative review or low rating, try to let it go (or better yet, avoid the reviews in the first place!). This is not easy, but Dita Von Teese said it best: “You can be a delicious, ripe peach and there will still be people in the world that hate peaches.” The same is true for your work. What you’ve made is bursting with flavor. It will be the most delectable thing in the word to some people while others will spit it right out. The sooner you can accept this fact, the easier it will be to keep putting pieces of yourself out into the world. 3. Your network can buoy you if you let itFor me, the word “networking” used to conjure an image of a finance bro gesturing around a room while asking, “Who do you know here?” I had to unlearn this notion, because networking, when done genuinely and with the interest of building community within your industry, is a life raft.
Here’s my method: rely on experts (bless my agent Anna Sproul-Latimer , who has answered many an anxious text/email), befriend other writers (both online and in person), and allow yourself to be vulnerable with both. Publishing has proven to be a strange and lonely industry, and while your friends and family may help you navigate the highs and lows, no one gets it quite like other people who have been through what you’re experiencing. 4. Big accomplishments are cool, but they aren’t shortcuts to happinessIt might bring moments of joy! But even an achievement as thrilling as publishing a book does not guarantee a posh, fulfilling life henceforth. Anne Lamott summed this up perfectly in her book Bird by Bird: “All I know about the relationship between publication and mental health was summed up in one line of the movie Cool Runnings, which is about the first Jamaican bobsled team… The men on [this] team are desperate to win an Olympic medal, just as half the people in my classes are desperate to get published. But the coach says, ‘If you’re not enough before the gold medal, you won’t be enough with it.’” And hey, if the goal is happiness, I suggest riding a bike on a perfect spring day. Or eating a peach (see the previous lesson).
5. Similarly, becoming a published author will not fundamentally change you in the way you think it willI’ll admit I delight in seeing my book at a bookstore or hearing how much someone loved it, but day to day? I’m still me. I still doubt myself and my work. I wonder if I’ll ever publish again, if my authorial career is one-and-done, if everyone who bought my book is in on a massive prank (can you tell I got bullied in middle school?). I’m not sure any accomplishment guarantees pure satisfaction or self-actualization or unbridled confidence. I feel lucky to have my story in print (and bound in a bubblegum pink cover). But truthfully, I don’t think about the fact that I’m an author half as much as I thought I would. Instead, my brain zooms in on the same things it did before: anxious spirals over the news, mundane to-do lists, whatever song is stuck in my head at the moment. Unsexy as it is, that’s life, baby. Bonus lesson: Promoting your book never endsWhich is why you won’t be surprised to see me link to a place you (yes, you!) can procure your very own copy!
In all seriousness, thank you, thank you, thank you to every single reader. You’ve given Give Me Space such a special life. I love you all.
Snail Mail Q2 opt-in coming early next week. Till then!
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