A lesson on triangles.

͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­͏     ­

	Forwarded this email? Subscribe here for more Medieval Art or Family Therapy? A lesson on triangles. Kathleen Smith Mar 6   READ IN APP   Bunny triangle. Friends, it’s almost the weekend. A lot of things are pretty terrible right now. So let’s lighten the mood today by combining two of my favorite things: family systems and medieval art. (I’ve eaten enough Girl Scout cookies to interrupt my baseline functioning, so it’s hard to say whether this is a good idea.) Were family systems operating with similar patterns eight hundred years ago? Would Bowen theory have been useful to them? Let’s look at the clues medieval artists left us. Today I’m going to cover the concept of the triangle. Buckle up. A two-person relationship system is inherently unstable. At some point, the tension rises. Tension rises. How does this tension get resolved? Often by spilling over to a third person. We triangle in others by venting to them . . . Blaming them . . . Or worrying about them. No idea what’s happening here. When two people are connected and calm, you may feel like you’re in the outside position in the triangle. Upgrade to paid Rather than trying to bust up their closeness . . . Focus instead on your one-to-one relationship with each of them. This can help you stay objective and dial down your sensitivity to their closeness. For most people, their first triangle in life is the parental triangle. So it’s useful to consider how you carry your functioning in that triangle into your adult life. I’ll be back next week with more serious writing. Maybe at some point we’ll explore cutoff. Or over- and underfunctioning. Definitely an oldest daughter. Until then, enjoy these additional, less creepy posts about triangles: Living On the Outside of Others’ Closeness How Much Tension Can Three People Hold? What Does It Take for the Group to Function Up? And if you love funny medieval things, I’d highly recommend the Substack Weird Medieval Guys and their book with the same title. The Anxious Overachiever is a reader-supported publication. To receive all posts and access the giant archive, consider becoming a paid subscriber. Or stick with free! Upgrade to paid News from Kathleen **BONUS JOURNAL FOR TRUE TO YOU paperback! I’ve created a digital bonus journal to accompany the paperback launch of True to You. Email me a copy of your receipt and I’ll send it to you. Email me if you want me to speak to your group or are interested in doing family systems work with me. Buy my books True to You and Everything Isn’t Terrible for more in-depth stories of people working on their relationships and themselves. If you love them, consider giving them a review on Amazon so other folks can find them. If you haven’t gotten the free digital workbooks for them, email me. Want to read more of my writing? Check out my newsletter archives. Paid subscribers can access the entire archive. Follow me on LinkedIn, Facebook, or Instagram. Upgrade to paid You're currently a free subscriber to The Anxious Overachiever. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. Upgrade to paid   Like Comment Restack   © 2026 Kathleen Smith 548 Market Street PMB 72296, San Francisco, CA 94104 Unsubscribe