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recs #111: the best thing I've done for myself as a mom

(while combatting the guilt)

Alisha Ramos

Nov 7

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Hi, happy weekend! By the time you read this, I’ll be in LA for my second and final solo vacation of the year. I can’t wait to see some dear friends, bop around the city, and celebrate my friend’s birthday.

Travel has always made me anxious, and being away from my family feels hard. But I’m glad I’m doing this for myself, especially before this next baby shows up. My solo trip to NYC last month taught me that I always return from such a trip with renewed energy and a trove of inspiration to draw from for both life and work. I’d be lying if I said the mom-guilt doesn’t creep in (I may have teared up a little on the flight while looking at photos), but I’m learning that these brief stretches of solitude have their own kind of necessity. Taking care of myself makes me a better parent, partner, and friend.

Aside from inspiration, a solo trip offers other benefits, too. It’s a chance for my husband to spend some quality time alone with our daughter¹. It’s an opportunity to ask myself: “Who am I outside of being a mom?”

I don’t mean that being a mom has become my entire identity (at least, I hope it hasn’t). I mean that parenting can be so consuming that you forget who you were before someone needed you all the time. I felt this deeply while walking the streets of NYC. These were the same streets I walked as a twenty-something fresh out of college, the same trains I took to work. For a moment, I felt myself back there, with all the possibilities of the future stretched out ahead of me. It wasn’t nostalgia exactly, more like a reminder that an ambitious dreamer is still in there somewhere, folded beneath the layers of motherhood, work, and routine.

A solo trip, in all, is the height of luxury. No immediate obligations, no snack-related demands, and actual downtime. It gives you complete freedom to just be, even if that means eating breakfast alone or lounging in your hotel bed, reading a book. Which, let’s be real, is probably what I’ll be doing for part of this trip. And that’s the beauty of it: sometimes, the simplest acts of rest are what bring you back to yourself.

Alisha Ramos 20d

Highly recommend taking a solo inspiration-gathering trip, especially if you’re a mom, just because. NYC you were a delight this weekend ❤️

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💬 I’d love to hear:

What would you do if you had 48 hours completely to yourself? Who would you want to see? What would make you feel most like yourself again?

Leave a comment

xo Alisha

Scenes from packing: Suitcase, packing cubes, and tote bag, ready to go.

Below the paywall today, you’ll find:

My recent used books haul to inspire your own
A few “realistic” outfits I’ve worn and loved this week
Two recipes I made this week that were great for busy evenings
A genius gift-giving strategy for toddlers/kids
A smattering of fun links and finds (including the first thing I’ve bought for the new nursery)
A great beauty giveaway for subscribers!

ICYMI, previously on Downtime:

A few announcements:

❤️ Giving: Thanks to my paid subscribers, I was able to donate $750 to the Capital Area Food Bank last week! In light of the infuriating SNAP funding pauses, I’ve decided to continue donating a portion of my subscription revenues throughout November to CAFB. I encourage you to find your local food bank and make a donation directly, however small, if you can.
📚 Announcing our November-December book club!: ICYMI in our reader chat, we’re reading Heart the Lover by Lily King this month and next! To make things even more exciting, I’m teaming up with Leslie Stephens of the morning person newsletter for this final book club of the year. I can’t wait for our communities to discuss this one together. It’s been one of my favorite reads of the year. Stay tuned for more details; we’ll have a Zoom discussion for paid subs in mid-December.

2 reader comments I loved last week:
"Frozen waffles are definitely key breakfasts here for our kiddos. Also bagels and cream cheese, and my son (4) has been very into just a hearty piece of toast with butter and some fruit on the side! Oh and Kirkland egg bites are another big hit!” — Lauren A. [need the egg bites!!]

"I am shouting from the rooftops about these maternity leggings from Old Navy. They are as soft as Vuori or Athleta, and only $27! A steal.” — Elisabeth L. [brb, stocking up]

Cozy robes: I love this reader thread with recs for warm morning robes that you can throw on while you make your coffee, eat breakfast, etc. I swear by this one I got two years ago; I seriously wear it every. single. day. in the fall and winter as soon as I roll out of bed.

From Kerri Ann’s subscriber chat

Kerri Ann I am wondering if anyone has any recommendations for a cozy long robe for the winter. Not necessarily a bath robe but one that I can put on with my slippers immediately on a cold winter morning. 😊

Reply...

Recs and links are continued below the paywall…...

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