Why good houseguests don't 'make themselves at home'

Plus: How technology can influence your parenting

View this email online Today’s newsletter is brought to you by Life Kit producer Clare Marie Schneider If you want to get invited back as a houseguest, etiquette expert Elaine Swann says to start, you want to mind your footprint.  “Do not overpack,” she says. Remember, you’re not staying in a hotel, so avoid bringing overflowing suitcases, leaving stray socks in the hallway or crowding the bathroom with too many toiletries. "Keep everything contained. You still want to have reverence for the fact that this is not really your home.” Swann, who runs The Swann School of Protocol, an etiquette training program, has tips for staying in a loved one’s home.  wanderluster/Getty Images I want to be a ⭐ houseguest 🏡 It’s OK to ask to stay at a friend or family member’s house. As long as you'd feel comfortable hosting that person in your own home, you shouldn't feel sheepish about asking to stay with them when you're visiting their town, Swann says.   🗓️ Give your host at least three weeks’ notice. Swann says this gives your host enough time to prepare before your arrival. And, she adds, don’t change those dates once you’ve informed your host of your plan. “If you say you're gonna stay for three days, then stay for three days, no longer than that.” 🦐 Make your host aware of any pertinent information for your visit. That includes allergies or specific physical needs for your stay. You wouldn't want your new boyfriend's mom to spend hours making her famous shrimp gumbo if you're terribly allergic to shellfish, for example.Or if you just broke your ankle and can't climb stairs, you should double-check whether your friend's fifth-floor apartment has a working elevator. ⏱️ Keep your visit short and sweet. Four days and three nights is generally ideal, Swann says. Unless you're visiting for a larger occasion like a holiday, she says a long-weekend-type visit is a sweet spot. It's long enough to spend quality time together but short enough to be over before anyone can feel too cramped or frustrated. 🚗 Don’t rely on your host for transportation. For example, don't ask your host to pick you up from the airport or borrow their car to go sightseeing. "Do not impede on their personal schedule. Instead, make sure that you are self-sufficient. That's the best way to be a houseguest," Swann says. 🎁 Get a thoughtful gift for your host. Some etiquette rulebooks advise never to show up to someone else's home empty-handed, but Swann maintains it's fine if you don't have something ready for your host right away. Just be sure to give them a gift by the time you leave. I want to get invited back Newsletter continues after sponsor message More etiquette advice from Life Kit  Malaka Gharib/NPR Check, please! The etiquette of splitting the tab. Five common scenarios you may encounter while dining out with a large party — and how to handle the bill fairly while being considerate of your server. Read the story.  Why it's OK not to reply to your text messages right away. Tips on how to manage common texting conundrums, from dealing with a chaotic group chat to getting an unresponsive friend to message you back. Read the story.  The do's and don'ts of being a plus-one. It’s wedding season. If you’ve been invited as a plus-one, here’s the etiquette you need to be the best guest. Read the story.  What is the new etiquette for tipping? Tipping requests are one the rise. Businesses that never seemed to ask for a tip, like fast food joints, are now asking for one. Here’s how to deal with unexpected requests and more. Read the story.  Letters from Life Kit’s inbox  Becky Harlan/NPR Got something you want to share with Life Kit? Email us at lifekit@npr.org. These letters from our listeners and readers have been edited for length and clarity. How to provide comfort for houseguests We now have a variety of pillow types and sizes for guests to choose from. We put out pillowcases and let guests pick and cover the pillows that best meet their needs. Everyone appreciates a good night's sleep, so we look for ways to provide a supportive environment.—Deb Galardi in response to a question we asked last week about how to be a gracious host  Before you buy, check what you already have at home I always “shop” in my house first before I buy something.  You would be surprised at the amount of stuff you own and forgot about. —Leslie Lum in response to our story on mindful shopping A sweet memory about the power of compliments  The comic about giving compliments reminded me of one summer in the late 1980s when I worked at a camp. My job was to devise ways to help young elementary kids improve their self-esteem. They surprised me by absolutely loving a game I made up where we played the traditional version of Duck, Duck, Goose with a twist. You had to give the goose a compliment! These kids picked this game every time they had a choice of what to play. Thanks for the memories! —Laura Davis in response to our story about accepting compliments Support our work & listen sponsor-free Support public media while getting expert advice on health, finance, relationships and more with Life Kit+. You'll get sponsor-free listening and even some specially curated playlists of episodes by theme (Master your budget, Organize your life, Move your body, and more).   Check out all the NPR+ benefits available at plus.npr.org. Explore Life Kit+ In case you missed it Annika McFarlane/Getty Images Talk to your Gen Z kids about their anxiety as the new school year begins. Today's teens struggle with big feelings — and their parents struggle to have hard conversations with them, according to a Gallup poll. Teen psychologist Lisa Damour explains how parents can help their kids cope with feelings of pressure and stress. Read the story here. Quitting isn't always bad. How to know when it's time to walk away. Quitting is often associated with failure. But choosing to walk away from a goal can help you save time, identify what you truly want and create space for other pursuits. This episode, how to evaluate your goal, figure out its cost and know when it's time to throw in the towel. Listen to the episode. Hidden ways technology can influence your parenting decisions. From pregnancy tracking apps to smart baby monitors, technology is ingrained in parenthood at every turn. But at what cost? In this episode, Amanda Hess, author of Second Life: Having a Child in the Digital Age, shares how data, metrics and our relationship to technology can shape child-rearing — and create barriers between parents and their kids. Listen to the episode here.  Upcoming topics to look out for 👀 We love sharing exclusive content with you, dear newsletter subscriber. Here is a list of topics you can expect to learn about in upcoming episodes.  ❤️ Interracial relationships 🩺 Health insurance 💇 Haircuts  Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy