📲 Better ways to manage your text messages

Plus: ✨ How to ask a 'magical question' ✨

View this email online Today’s newsletter is brought to you by Life Kit digital editor Malaka Gharib   I recently hosted a Life Kit episode on the etiquette of texting, and I want to tell you a little about the inspiration behind it: my sister.  She lives in California, I live in Tennessee, and most of our relationship takes place virtually. For the most part, it feels easy. We text each other about everything from family drama (our favorite topic of conversation) to recipes. And when we have questions for each other (Does this dress seem too white to wear to a wedding?), we try to text each other back in a timely manner.  There’s just one area of our texting relationship that’s been tough for me. She sends me a lot of videos she sees online. And I can’t keep up! How does she expect me to watch ten videos in a row? The etiquette of texting  We Are/Getty Images/Digital Vision Instead of telling her directly that it’s been a challenge for me, which would have been very mature and wise, I decided to turn to an expert for advice.  I told Erica Dhawan, author of Digital Body Language: How to Build Trust and Connection, No Matter the Distance, about my dilemma. And she said: "This is your sister's texting love language, so remember what matters here." In other words, I should see the videos not as an assault on my time but as tokens of my sister’s love and appreciation. Dhawan also says that I really don’t need to watch them. I can simply write back “love these” in acknowledgement. Phew!  Here are more helpful tips on how to manage your text messages from Dhawan:  Ask yourself: Do I really need to text back right this minute? Texts about work or child care may require an immediate response. Party invitations with an RSVP deadline a month from now, not so much. So think about which messages could wait a day or two, or even a week.  To get someone who is unresponsive to text you back, be direct. Make sure it's clear that your message is asking a question and that a response is needed by a certain time. "If they don't respond, let it go and move on," Dhawan says. Think before you ping. Instead of sending a text message that says, "ha ha ha," could you just double-tap and click the "ha ha" reaction?  If you want to call someone out, do it privately on a separate text. "Take your drama to your one-on-one DMs. Remember that personal squabbles don't belong in the group," Dhawan says. I want to be a better texter P.S. Watch the video on NPR Life Kit’s Instagram about it and say hi!   Newsletter continues after sponsor message More Life Kit on texting drama Polinmr/Getty Images; NPR Dear Life Kit: My friend texts me way too much. How do I get her to stop? An NPR listener says her friend pings her morning, noon and night, even if she doesn't respond. She'd like to say something, but she's afraid it will hurt her friend's feelings. Read the story here, or watch our video about it.  Dear Life Kit: My group chat is toxic. In college, I became close with a diverse friend group. Years later, we still stay in touch via text. Some people rely on our group to manage their anxiety. The norm in the group is to reassure whoever is most upset, even when that person is wrong. Read the story here. Dear Life Kit: My boyfriend constantly texts his female coworker. My partner is constantly texting his former coworker and even spent the night at her house. He says they're just friends, but I don't like it. How can I trust him when he ignores my boundaries? Read the story here. Support our work & listen sponsor-free Support public media while getting expert advice on health, finance, relationships and more with Life Kit+. You'll get sponsor-free listening and even some specially curated playlists of episodes by theme (Master your budget, Organize your life, Move your body, and more).   Check out all the NPR+ benefits available at plus.npr.org. Explore Life Kit+ Letters from Life Kit’s inbox Beck Harlan/NPR Got something you want to share with Life Kit? Email us at lifekit@npr.org. These letters from our listeners and readers have been edited for length and clarity. Missing from your go bag story  I think your list of needed items in your emergency go bag story is well done. But I think what is missing is a pair of sturdy shoes. There will likely be broken glass and splintered wood with nails. Walking in bare feet or slippers isn’t safe. Being unable to walk, run or climb can be dangerous. —Kathleen Pickard, in response to our story, “Cheap and easy ways to stock your emergency go bag”  Love the episode about raising bilingual kids! My parents were told to only speak to me in English, and because of that, there’s been a huge loss of heritage, culture, language and family relationships (imagine speaking a different language than your parents and grandparents). I'm a speech language pathologist, and I am so happy to hear your episode, and I'm grateful you addressed the myths behind bilingualism. —Ariel La, in response to our story, “Want to raise bilingual kids? First, let go of a common myth”  I liked the fidgeting at your desk article  I might suggest keeping 8 to 15 pound hand weights and a squeeze ball for occasional exercise while sitting. Hand weight in one hand, computer mouse in the other. —Carson Taylor, in response to our story, “Fidgeting at your desk? Your body may be trying to tell you something”  In case you missed it Malaka Gharib/NPR Why some friendships end after kids come into the picture. It can be tough to navigate relationships when our friends start having kids. This guide can help both parents and child-free folks figure out how to stay connected in a new life stage. Read the story here. NPR listeners share their best money-saving hacks for the grocery store. Check your receipt. Grow your own veggies. Ask about senior discounts. NPR readers share their top tips on cutting costs at the grocery store. Read the story here. The connecting power of 'magical questions'. Want to cut through small talk at your next mixer? Try asking a "magical question," says Priya Parker, a conflict resolution facilitator and author of the book The Art of Gathering. These questions, like "What is a path you almost took but didn't?" and "What topic could you give a 20-minute talk with zero preparation?" can spark deep and meaningful conversations and foster connection. Listen to the episode here.  New to your queerness? Here's how to find a supportive community in your area. It can be intimidating to enter a new queer space, especially if you're starting to explore your gender and sexuality. Organizers share advice on how to find a support network with confidence. Read the story here.   Stream your local NPR station. Visit NPR.org to find your local station stream. What do you think of today's email? We'd love to hear your thoughts, questions and feedback: LifeKit@npr.org Enjoying this newsletter? Forward to a friend! They can sign up here. Looking for more great content? Check out all of our newsletter offerings — including Daily News, Code Switch, Health and more! You received this message because you're subscribed to Life Kit emails. This email was sent by National Public Radio, Inc., 1111 North Capitol Street NE, Washington, DC 20002 Unsubscribe  |  Privacy Policy