Seeing Yourself as an OutsiderHow your perception of closeness and distance can get you into trouble.Humans are masters at feeling left out, without any evidence. Or feeling incredibly overwhelmed by others, when no one has asked them to do anything. Your perception distorts the reality of your relationship to others. In the absence of data, and good thinking, our brains tend fill in the blanks. When have you sensed cold distance, or stifling closeness, and it really wasn’t the case? I bet you could make a good long list. I’d call mine, “Last Week.” Every person in a family perceives the family differently, and everyone is acting on that perception most of the time. We all have our familiar, comfortable positions of relating to others. These positions might include:
What happens when people began to relate to each other a little more based on reality, and not these familiar perceptual positions? Is that even possible? I have seen a good research question help people begin to shift out of these patterns. Because they have something to test out in their relationships. Questions like:
I’m not saying that people can’t hurt by others, or be overwhelmed by them. Of course they can. But I am curious about what happens when people get more interested in how they want to represent themselves than in mind-reading others. Think about your family, your work, your friendships, etc. Where is perception ruling without much evidence? Where is overwhelm, or aggravation, or injury your mind’s creation? Where are you relating to people from that semi-comfortable position that possibly looks a bit like your position in your family? Now how much, and what kind of contact could blow that perception right out of the water? What a question worth testing out? Similar posts: News from KathleenIt was an honor to have Carolyn Hax mention my writing in her Washington Post advice chat this month. Also, my books are now being published in over a dozen languages! (I have a few extra copies of the Indonesian and Chinese version of Everything Isn’t Terrible. So if you live in the US and want a free one, just email me.)
Buy my new book, True to You! (If you didn’t get the preorder bonus workbook, just reply to this email letting me know where you bought the book, and I’m happy to email you one.) If you bought my book on Amazon, could you leave a review? I’m in need of some more so other folks can find it. Thanks! Want to read more of my writing? Read my other book, Everything Isn’t Terrible, or my newsletter archives. Paid subscribers can access the entire archive. Email me if you want me to speak to your group or are interested in doing coaching with me. Follow me on Linkedin, Facebook, or Instagram. Want to learn more about Bowen theory? Visit the Bowen Center’s website to learn more about their conferences and training programs. You're currently a free subscriber to The Anxious Overachiever. For the full experience, upgrade your subscription. |
petak, 18. travnja 2025.
Seeing Yourself as an Outsider
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