Vulnerability is one of those buzzwords that seems to be everywhere these days. We see it in headlines celebrating celebrities for being open about their health struggles. It comes up at work, where vulnerability is touted as a "soft skill" that can make us more effective leaders. And, if you're in therapy (or watch one of the many popular shows about therapy like Shrinking), maybe you've heard that vulnerability is a superpower that can deepen our relationships.
Sounds great in theory, but actually being vulnerable can often leave us with the anxious feeling that we've revealed too much (AKA a vulnerability hangover). Brené Brown, a leading researcher on the topic, has described vulnerability as "uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure." In other words, it's not something most of us are super comfortable doling out to just anyone.
We asked mental health pros to share some expert tips for being more vulnerable—even if it doesn't come naturally to you.
1. Don't confuse vulnerability with oversharing.
"Vulnerability isn't about oversharing or putting it all out there with everyone we meet—it's about mindfully allowing others to see parts of us that are genuine and sometimes tender or sensitive or scary to share," says psychotherapist Rachel Wright, LMFT.
How to tell the difference? "Oversharing" usually happens when what we're sharing isn't appropriate for the type of relationship or the level of the relationship, therapist Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, says. For instance, let's say you have ADHD and are running late for a first date. Sharing the ins and outs of your diagnosis or current medications would be oversharing—you just met this person! On the other hand, Brown says, being vulnerable could mean apologizing and sharing that your ADHD symptoms sometimes impact your ability to be on time.
Vulnerability should allow the other person to understand you better but it should also strengthen the connection between you—this is a key difference with oversharing or trauma dumping, which tend to have the opposite effect, Brown says.
2. Start small.
"Like any skill, getting better at vulnerability requires practice," says relationship expert Morgan Cutlip, PhD. "Start by sharing something small and meaningful with the person in your life who feels safest and most understanding."
For example, maybe instead of defaulting to "I'm fine" when a friend asks you about your day, you share that actually, you're really struggling with negative self-talk right now.
Keep reading for 3 more tips for being more vulnerable.
Nema komentara:
Objavi komentar