I have trouble staying in the moment during sex. Do you have any tips for getting out of my head?
You may have noticed that your mind can do some rude things during sex. Even if you aren't worried about your work email, chores, or other stressors, you could get in your head about the act itself: Do I look weird right now? Are they having a good time?
And, obviously, being preoccupied with your thoughts can make it hard for you to connect with others, be fully present with the physical stuff, and have fun, says sex therapist Shadeen Francis, LMFT, CST. Over time, that can tank your mood and self-esteem, she adds.
But getting stuck in your head during sex doesn't mean there's anything wrong with you, says sex therapist Jennifer Wiessner, LCSW, CST. Because most of us are stressed, spend tons of time ruminating about the past or thinking about the future, and don't know how to relax, literally anyone can experience this, Francis explains. And aside from busy schedules and general stress, certain mental health concerns or conditions can also set you up for this annoying phenomenon (which might then snowball into sexual dysfunction). Wiessner says that, in her experience, people who are insecure about their bodies, have ADHD, or feel anxious a lot can have trouble getting out of their heads.
If you want to get more present and manage your overthinking brain during sex, we asked experts for their tips to do exactly that.
Make a mental note of what feels good.
Refocusing your attention on pleasure itself can disrupt the inner dialogue happening in your mind, says Francis. More specifically, grounding yourself in what feels, smells, sounds, looks, or tastes nice (your partner's shampoo, the texture of your sheets) brings you back to the present moment and away from your annoying thoughts, she explains.
While that's a great hack to use in the moment, it can be more effective on demand if you practice outside of the bedroom, says Francis. So, as you're going about your day, pay extra attention to the things that make you feel good, she says. Does the couch you're sitting on feel pillowy? Do you love the song that's playing in the background? Whatever it is, sit with those good vibes and bring your attention back to them when you get distracted by something else. This little habit expands our capacity to notice and focus on pleasure, Francis says.
Keep reading for 6 more tips to help you get out of your head during sex.
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