If you've been on TikTok lately or watching Love Island nonstop (both at the same time?), you've definitely heard about "the ick." It's that out-of-nowhere, grossed-out feeling you get when the person you're dating, just met, or even in a long-term relationship with does something totally benign yet also personally horrifying and your immediate (mental) reaction is: Ick.
It could be showing up in flip-flops to go out for dinner, mispronouncing something, or loving Nicolas Cage movies. Whatever the infraction, no matter how petty, it causes a pretty seismic shift in your attraction to them.
So, why do we get the ick and how bad is it exactly? Is it the kiss of death that most people make it out to be, or can someone come back from it? Also, should we even listen to the ick or are we all just being way too picky? We turned to mental health pros to get their take on this phenomenon.
What is the ick and why do we get it?
It should come as no shock to you all that this is not a clinical term. That said, "the ick" is basically a sudden and often inexplicable feeling of repulsion or aversion towards someone you were previously attracted to. That shift changes how you see them and can make you question future interactions or your relationship in general, says couples therapist Emily J. Burke, LMFT.
The ick isn't that different from feeling disgusted, or that strong, self-protective reaction to something that might be harmful or unclean, says clinical psychologist Sasha Berger, PhD. Like disgust, the ick signals that a behavior or trait is inherently unpleasant or wrong (even if it's just wearing Crocs).
While this blegh experience is most common in the dating world and romantic partnerships, the ick can also happen with family, friends, co-workers, peers, or any relationship dynamic, Burke says.
Most of the time, the ick stems from cultural or societal ideas that are ingrained in us, explains couples therapist Alejandra Galindo, LMFT. Like that people who look at themselves in windows as they walk by must be shallow, people who drop heavy weights in the gym must be deeply insecure, and those who say, "It's the white elephant in the room," must be not that bright. Of course, none of these things are inherently true, but depending on how you were raised or what societal messages you bought into, you probably have your own mental list of behaviors you deem personally unacceptable (or icky).
Keep reading for tips on getting over the ick.
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