Ethical non-monogamy isn't a new concept, but lots of us are out here discovering it for the first time. Maybe you spotted "ENM" on Tinder profiles or searched "ENM meaning" after catching a TikTok (or 20) about it. However you came across ethical non-monogamy, the relationship style is getting more attention lately.
Like the name implies, ENM is not monogamy. People who practice ENM aren't interested in an exclusive one-on-one relationship, but rather the freedom to be involved with multiple people. And this dynamic can take many different forms.
Truth is, we all have different needs and desires in our relationships, and, for some people, those aren't always fulfilled within the constraints of traditional monogamy, says therapist and researcher Heath Schechinger, PhD, co-chair of the American Psychological Association's (APA) Division 44 Committee on Consensual Non-Monogamy.
If that's the case for you and monogamy doesn't feel like it fits your vibe, ENM might take the pressure off relationships, says therapist Michael Grey, PsyD, LMFT. But, as the E for "ethical" in this acronym implies, ENM isn't the same as just waking up and deciding to step outside your relationship, and it's not the same as casually going on dates with multiple people until you choose to become exclusive with one.
So, what is ENM?
Ethical non-monogamy, also called consensual non-monogamy, is a type of relationship where you're free to be involved with more than one person at a time. Those bonds can be sexual, romantic, or both.
The reason it's called ethical or consensual non-monogamy is because everyone involved agrees to this dynamic. (Though some who follow those same rules just call it being "non-monogamous," notes Dr. Schechinger.) That ethical part is what makes non-monogamy different from straight-up cheating, says Dr. Grey.
ENM can also be part of a person's identity, like their sexuality or gender, Dr. Schechinger says. "For these individuals, non-monogamy is a core aspect of who they are, influencing how they form relationships and experience love and connection," he explains. For instance, you might see "ENM" in someone's bio on a dating app, because even if they aren't necessarily in a relationship right now, they're aware of and communicating the fact that they're only interested in ENM set-ups in the future.
While ENM broadly defines a type of relationship with more than one partner, there are specific kinds of relationship structures that fall within that category.
Keep reading to learn more about the different types of ENM and whether it's right for you.
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