Yes, I know it’s not Friday. I’ve been doing back-to-back podcasts getting ready for book launch, so better late than never! Don’t forget you can preorder TRUE TO YOU and download the bonus workbook I created for newsletter subscribers. RSVP if you want to come to the book events in DC (also will be virtual) or Kansas City. - K Q: What’s a favorite question you ask clients? A: Thank you to the person who sent me this question on Instagram! I do love a good question. I wrote over fifty questions, what I call “Growing Questions,” that I added to the appendix of True to You and hope are a resource to folks. But first, a word of caution. No question is magic. There is always a temptation to frantically scribble down questions that other professionals use. But this can be its own form of anxious borrowing. I am skeptical of any fix that doesn’t involve one’s own prefrontal cortex. But it’s true that some questions allow more space for a person to solve their own problems. And then there are questions that are their own form of overfunctioning, that are answers in disguise. These questions can relieve anxiety, but they do not increase a person’s capability. The more neutral and open the question, the more a client’s brain is involved. My favorite question to ask myself and others is this: What would be the evidence that you had taken on this challenge? I like it because it’s a question that asks people to:
In other words, What is it you’re trying to do here? A question that is deceptively simple, yet one we rarely stop to ask ourselves. We are mostly automatic, emotionally driven creatures. I try to ask questions that help people think about their observations, their efforts, and their opportunities. When I reflecting on my own work on myself, I usually organize my thoughts into those three categories. What have I been noticing, what have I tried to make happen, and what do I want to take on? I put my answers in bullet points, or sometimes I write longer paragraphs. Observations
Efforts
Opportunities
I am not saying you need to use this system. I am saying that I’ve found my work on myself most effective when I have taken responsibility for organizing my thinking. Ultimately my goal as a clinician is to get people to ask their own questions and generate their own answers. To put myself out of business. People get the most out of the meeting when they are able to be responsible for themselves in that way. Which leads to another great question for clients – How would you like to be responsible for yourself in this work? In an anxious world that offers many solutions, it’s easy to forget that your own brain is a player waiting to be tagged into the game. You might need to ask yourself a few terrible questions before they get better. Can you hop off the bench and let yourself learn to live with the discomfort it takes to fumble toward some good ones? What’s a question that has helped you do some good thinking? Feel free to drop it in the comments. News from KathleenDon’t forget that you can access all past paid content for my newsletter (including worksheets and past Friday Q&As) by upgrading your subscription. Preorder my book to get the companion workbook today! Preorder my upcoming book True to You, submit your info here, and download the workbook + sneak peek of a chapter. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has preordered so far. Want a signed, personalized copy? You can preorder it from my neighborhood bookstore, East City Bookshop, the best bookshop of all the bookshops.
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nedjelja, 9. lipnja 2024.
June First Friday Q&A
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