How do I know if I'm ready for a relationship?
Thanks to apps, meddling relatives, speed dating events, reality shows, and pickleball courts, there are so many ways to find potential baes. But once you're on those dates? It becomes so clear that not everyone is ready to be out in these streets. (Yep, talking about you, person who mentioned their ex 13 times in the first 10 minutes.) While it might be fairly easy to spot someone who could benefit from more time developing as a party of one, it's harder to answer, Am I ready for a relationship?
Being emotionally and mentally prepared to date generally means being self-aware and having self-compassion, says psychotherapist Todd Baratz, LMHC. "The more we are able to connect with ourselves, the better we are able to connect with others," Baratz says.
When your relationship with yourself is solid, it can impact the trajectory of a connection. For example, feeling secure with who you are can help you quickly sift through people who aren't compatible with you. (Hallelujah for less time spent swiping.) This is true for any connection, whether it be sexual or emotional, and can help to create longer, more satisfying relationships, says Baratz.
Being ~ready~ also means feeling like you live up to your own standards, adds Moe Ari Brown, LMFT, therapist and Hinge's Love and Connection expert. If you want a relationship that feels consistent, provides quality time, and includes lots of vulnerability, you have to be willing to provide those things as well, says Brown.
On the flip side, if you're in an emotionally vulnerable spot, feeling unstable with your mental health or life, or dealing with struggles like addiction, dating might not be the healthiest thing right now, says Baratz. Translation: You might be ~unready~ to date.
If you forge ahead anyway, you run the risk of feeling triggered by basically anything and everything as you meet new people, Baratz says. Dating when you're not OK or committed to the process of becoming OK can lead to overwhelm, burnout, and bruised self-esteem, adds therapist Georgina Sturmer, MBACP.
But, you don't need to be at your "best" or love every part of yourself to deserve or find companionship. "I like to think that everybody is relationship ready," Baratz says, adding that "relationships are one of the best mirrors for us to understand ourselves." So it isn't a matter of doing self-awareness first and then pursuing relationships. You can do both at the same time!
Keep reading for 6 signs you're ready for a relationship.
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