Whether it's Saturday night in your group chat or mid-meeting with a coworker, miscommunication happens. And when a message doesn't land, it can cause confusion and anxiety and can wreak havoc on your relationships, says therapist Katie Miles, LMFT.
Maybe you show up to the function the day after it happens or feel completely lost on your latest work assignment or wonder if your roommate secretly hates you. All of that can happen when a speaker isn't clear, the listener isn't listening, or both, notes Miles.
If you're in the thick of miscommunication mayhem—or just want to avoid that in the future—we asked therapists for the best ways to deal. Here, they explain the most common miscommunication pitfalls and how to manage them.
1. You're in a bad mood.
Being in a crummy headspace can influence how you deliver a message. "Our mood can impact our tone, facial expressions, and body language," Miles explains. That can mean the difference between coming off as warm and patient or irritated and sharp, she says. And that's why a rough day at work can lead to snapping at your roommate about the trash that night. While your beef isn't with them, it can seem like they're the root of your rage.
Your mood can also impact how you hear other people, Miles notes. So when your roommate brings up chores after you've had a bad day, it can feel like a personal attack.
If you already overreacted, it's OK. It happens. Shift gears by practicing some self-awareness. Miles suggests asking yourself, What am I feeling in my mind and body? You could also journal about that, she adds.
Once you figure out what's going on, you can address it by self-soothing, Miles suggests. For example, if you're feeling panicked or anxious, try holding an ice pack or going for a walk to ground yourself. If you're stressed, you can try a breathing exercise to get back to baseline.
2. They're in a bad mood.
Say the roles were reversed. Maybe you ask your roommate an innocent question and they get super mad. Sure, you could've upset them, but they might also be reacting based on emotions that have nothing to do with you.
When their reaction seems out of proportion to whatever you said, Miles suggests pausing to consider their feelings. Maybe they're hungry, tired, or going through something. Whether you know what's happening with them or not, keeping this in mind adds some context to their tone. That can make whatever they say feel less personal.
Keep reading to learn about 6 other common communication traps and how to deal.
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