At the start of my freelance writing career, I felt like I could do anything I set my mind to. I fearlessly reached out to my favorite publications, pitching stories I wanted to write for them. I dreamed big and went for it! But then the rejections started to fill my inbox. How can you believe in yourself when those "thanks, but no thanks" feel like a punch to the gut? I seriously considered giving up.
Life setbacks, like breakups, job loss, missed opportunities, health issues—or any kind of rejection really—can trigger self-doubt. Feeling down about yourself can also happen when relatively cool, exciting things bubble up, like running a race, moving to a new place, or applying for your dream job. Basically, the reasons to feel bad about yourself and your abilities are endless.
No matter the circumstances though, there are lots of ways this mindset can show up, says therapist John Tsilimparis, MFT.
One of them is measuring yourself against others and deciding that you're less than them, says Tsilimparis. Maybe you see that your high school nemesis has a thriving real estate career, while you're still trying to sort out what you want to do with your life. That can make it tough to believe in yourself.
Another common way we can feel insecure in the face of setbacks is focusing solely on our failures. It's kind of like having tunnel vision. The possibility that you might not suck at whatever you're pursuing or that you're valuable in general may not occur to you.
While you'd probably never tell a friend that they're a terrible person because they didn't get a promotion, it's very easy to say that to yourself. This double standard, where we treat ourselves more harshly than we would anyone else, is extremely common in the face of adversity, says Tsilimparis.
Despite the usual pitfalls of uncertainty, life transitions (good and bad) give us an opportunity to develop healthy coping skills we can use to believe in ourselves in the future, says Tsilimparis. Then, moving forward, we can tolerate whatever the world hands us with a little more ease, he adds. Voila!
We spoke to mental health pros to find out the best ways to believe in yourself when you feel hopeless, doubtful, or just down in the dumps. Keep reading to find out how you can up your confidence now and prepare for future challenges like a champ.
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