Relationships (like people) can be messy and complicated. Maybe you and your S.O. can't agree on a big decision (read: kids, moving, life responsibilities) or you're bickering about the same three things over and over. As you may have guessed, couples counseling, aka couples therapy, can be super helpful for all of that and almost any issue within your partnership—even if that problem feels relatively minor.
"The number one misconception is that couples counseling is only for struggling relationships," says clinical psychologist and couples therapist Erika Bach, PsyD. More and more, people are coming in when there isn't an issue. That's especially true when a milestone approaches, like getting engaged, having a kid, or a significant anniversary, says Dr. Bach.
Of course, whatever brings them in, the goal is to help people in any romantic relationship work on their communication skills, feel connected, and manage conflict more effectively, says couples therapist and clinical psychologist Isabelle Morley, PsyD.
Whether you're intimidated by couples counseling or just curious about it, we asked couples counselors what they wish people knew about seeking relationship help from a pro. Plus, find out what they want everyone to know about navigating conflicts in relationships.
1. Couples counseling is about how you show up in relationships.
Yes, the goal here is to improve your relationships with better communication, understanding, and problem-solving skills. But that requires recognizing areas where you can improve, says Dr. Morley. That might look like learning to deal with your emotions on your own or changing the way you speak to your partner when you're upset, she adds. That work also needs to happen regardless of whether your partner is improving or changing.
Over time, if you see that the other person isn't doing the work, you can decide if that's a relationship you can stay in or not, Dr. Morley explains. Sometimes we do learn to accept our partners for who they are—even if we wish they were different, she says.
2. Couples therapy can help you break up—or not.
If your partner initiated couples therapy and you're worried that means you're doomed, you should know that's not always the case.
Sure, sometimes it is the last stop before a breakup or divorce. Therapy can help you decide what's best for you and enable a more amicable split, says Dr. Morley. But even if you're coming to therapy for a gut check that splitting is the right call, the relationship might not end in separation, she adds.
Dr. Morley says that she's worked with clients who had already filed for divorce but saw, via counseling, that they could work on stuff they thought was hopeless.
Keep reading to learn 8 more things couples counselors really want you to know.
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