I find it so hard to focus these days when talking to my loved ones. How can I be a better listener?
We've all been there: You're sort of listening to a friend but mostly thinking about the barely related story you're about to tell. Or maybe someone shared a perspective at dinner that's so infuriating your brain just shuts off. Oh, and there are those times when you get a little constructive criticism, and all you can hear is, "You suck, and I hate you." While scenarios like these are so common, they're also not that great for our relationships. That's where active listening comes in.
Active listening can help you take in more information and better understand whatever comes out of others' mouths. That can be especially helpful when you're with a group of friends, in an important work meeting, or catching up with family—but it's useful all the time. Even if you very much disagree, trying to truly understand what someone is saying (as in active listening) can prevent miscommunication and foster connection. Who doesn't love that?!
What exactly is active listening?
While listening to someone basically means hearing their words, active listening is when you hear them and try to comprehend what they're saying, explains psychologist Dianne Grande, PhD. It's probably one of the most important communication skills you can have.
While that's the basic definition, active listening also incorporates paying attention to the other person's body language as they speak and nonverbally signaling that you're listening (think: nodding, eye contact, etc.), adds Dr. Grande.
When you actively listen, you're making sure that you fully understand what the other person is saying, which (like we said earlier) is helpful in a lot of scenarios. At work, actively listening can help you avoid miscommunications. It can help you take direction from your boss and ensure you grasp the goal of a project before getting started, says Dr. Grande. Outside of your 9 to 5, active listening makes friends, family, or new acquaintances you met at a party feel safe, heard, and valued, says therapist Katie Miles, LMFT. That may encourage them to open up, leading to deeper relationships, Miles adds.
Keep reading for 7 tips on how to become an active listener.
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