My default mode is feeling bad about myself, whether it's how I look or what I have to offer. How can I improve my self-worth?
Self-worth means thinking of yourself as "a valuable, capable human being deserving of respect and consideration," according to the American Psychological Association. In other words, it's believing you're good enough to be loved, seen, and heard, explains therapist Allison Guilbault, LPC. Even though we're all born with something to offer the world, self-worth is about knowing we have value, says Guilbault. Self-worth is being able to walk into a room and feel like you're enough, she adds.
When you have low self-worth, you might think, "I'm not interesting enough to have a conversation. I'm not pretty enough to be at this bar. I'm not successful enough to be at this table. There's so much 'not enough-ness,'" Guilbault explains.
A lot of things can shape that mindset, but your early childhood experiences are a major factor. Caregivers, siblings, and peers can all shape how we see our worthiness in the world, says psychologist Jenny Wang, PhD. That's because, during the years we're still learning so much about ourselves, we're more likely to believe those who make us feel like we're not good enough, explains therapist Averry Cox, LMFT, LCMFT. Sometimes, we internalize those messages and they become part of how we see ourselves, notes Dr. Wang.
Experiencing trauma can also impact your self-worth if you blame yourself for it happening and believe you're "inherently unworthy or flawed," says Dr. Wang.
If you're feeling this way though, all hope is not lost. There are lots of ways you can boost your self-worth and start seeing your value in a new light. We asked mental health pros exactly how to do that.
1. Shift your focus.
When it feels like your life is going to hell, it's often due to changes in the external things you identify with, like your job, how you look, your relationships, etc. Placing more stock in those parts of life makes it harder to see ourselves positively when things go wrong, says Guilbault.
So, when you're feeling particularly terrible, shift your focus to your values, or the things you think are most important in life, Guilbault suggests. These could be broad concepts, like honesty and authenticity, or more specific, like friendship and financial security. While values might involve other people, places, or things (see: friends, jobs, partners), they don't become less important when those external factors go away.
Unlike your friends, employers, or partner, your values come from within and only change if you want them to. That makes them particularly helpful in building self-worth amid the chaos of life, says Guilbault.
Once you've identified them, spend some time journaling about how you embody those values and what else you can do to get aligned with the things that are important to you.
Keep reading for 6 more ways to improve your self-worth.
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