⏰ I've got the bedtime blues

Plus toxic dating rules and grounding techniques.

View this email in your browser WEEKLY WIND DOWN 💪 Try this: When you feel the need to avoid something—whether it's a person, place, or feeling—pause to reflect on why you might be so eager to swerve. Think about something productive you can do to make facing whatever it is a bit easier instead. A lot of the time, avoidance just gives whatever we're scared of more power. Think on this: What's your favorite thing about yourself? Remember this: Feelings come and go in waves. Let them. Read this: 7 Self-Compassion Tips That Aren't Just Pep Talks in the Mirror ICYMI 👀 If your mood dips at night, it might be the bedtime blues 30 feel-good movies people swear by to brighten a bad day How to avoid a self-isolation spiral this weekend Need to chill out fast? Try these exercises Using this every day might just boost your mood 🛒 What we're shopping for: Something new, shaped by the past. THERAPY HACK 💡 Use grounding techniques when you're feeling overstimulated. If you find yourself regularly overstimulated to the point of wanting to run away from wherever you just entered (like a busy grocery store, bar, or office), having some grounding techniques in your pocket can be a godsend. Once you're in the throes of overstimulation, it can feel like you're detached from reality and out of control, therapist Sheylah Trotter, LMHC previously told Wondermind. Using little tricks to help you focus on what's really happening around you (even if that reality is an overwhelming one) can get you out of that mental spiral and ready to cope, Trotter adds.  Try it: There are a ton of mindfulness exercises out there, but you can start by stepping into a quieter, less crowded space (like the bathroom or hallway). Practice diaphragmatic breathing for a few minutes by inhaling through your nose to fill up your stomach like a balloon, and then exhaling slowly, as if blowing on a cup of tea. If deep breathing isn't for you (we get it), try to distract your mind from whatever it's fixated on by naming five things you can see, four you can touch, three you can hear, two you can smell, and one you can taste, Trotter says. Were you forwarded this email? Click here to subscribe for free. LET'S DISCUSS 💬 7 Toxic Dating Rules You Can Stop Following Immediately By Jeff Guenther, LPC Social media is filled with so many strict dating rules lately, and I'd love to cancel every single one of them. As a licensed therapist who specializes in relationships and just wrote a whole book about them called Big Dating Energy, I'm not a fan of any dating advice that doesn't allow for nuance—because we're all messy and complicated beings.   Before I eviscerate the latest dating rules that are being shared by way too many people, I will say that if these rules work for you and you feel good applying them to your dating life, then I love that for you. I don't want to poop all over something that's benefiting you. If you disagree with one of my takes, I will not be offended. Also, a scaled-down and less intense version of these dating rules is sometimes a perfect fit for someone trying to figure out the hellscape that is modern dating. With that said, let's dive into the no-nuance dating rules that probably aren't worth your time:  1. You shouldn't date anyone until you're fully healed. Newsflash! You're never going to be fully healed! Even your favorite internet therapist (moi) isn't fully healed and he's an amazing partner! Ask (almost) anyone I've ever been in a relationship with. But, I get it, you're being told that if you fix yourself up by getting rid of all your intimacy issues (impossible and also, what a snoozefest) and resolve all your trauma history that's getting in the way of fully accepting love into your life (ahem, having trauma ≠ being unlovable), then you'll find your person and it'll be honeymoon vibes with zero conflicts forever.  Besides that being a load of crap that consumerism needs you to believe so that love coach hacks on TikTok can make money off your desperate heart, it's just not how it works. We heal inside of relationships, not outside of them. The most important relationship work you're going to do is with a caring partner that's decided to go on a healing journey with you. So don't fall for the scam. You're healed enough at this very moment to start a healthy relationship. Promise. 2. If they wanted to, they would. Hey, guess what, I officially changed it to "If they had the bandwidth for it, they would." Because the phrase "If they wanted to, they would," lacks compassion and understanding. How many times have you wanted to do something but you just couldn't? Maybe it was because you were paralyzed by fear, gripped by anxiety, or had absolutely no idea how to get from point A to point B. There are plenty of valid reasons that get in the way of doing something that you really want to do, which could include showing your love to someone you care about.  Sure, if this is someone brand new and they're doing the least, it's possible they're just not that into you. But if this is your partner or someone who has otherwise shown interest in being there for you, it's possible they're struggling and simply don't have the bandwidth to meet your needs. Keep reading for 5 more toxic dating rules you really don't have to listen to.   READ MORE ON THAT NOTE 6 Signs You're Actually Ready for a Relationship What to Do if Your Situationship Is Screwing With Your Mental Health READ MORE READ MORE 6 Signs You're Actually Ready for a Relationship READ MORE What to Do if Your Situationship Is Screwing With Your Mental Health READ MORE 🎧 What we're listening to: We're holding on together. NEED HELP NOW? These resources can help. SAMHSA National Helpline Suicide Prevention Lifeline The Trevor Project Trans Lifeline Advertise With Us PR Inquiries Want to unsubscribe? Click here to take a break.   Copyright © 2022 Wondermind. All rights reserved.   228 Park Avenue South, Suite 26327, New York, NY 10003   All products featured on Wondermind are independently selected by our editors. 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