I'm the only person in my family who goes to therapy and it feels harder than ever to relate to them. How do I deal?
The road to self-discovery and healing is not easy. And family members who aren't exactly on board with your efforts to live, feel, and be better can make things that much more difficult.
Maybe they don't get why you're in therapy, they talk shit about people who get mental health help (or the idea of it in general), or they just refuse to address their own emotional struggles. Whatever the case, it can be tough to spend time with your people when they're not on the same growth trajectory as you—especially if they're part of the reason you're in therapy. *side eye*
Finding out a loved one is seeking therapy can make some people—especially parents—feel vulnerable, explains therapist Amanda Jurist, LCSW.
Your family members might interpret your decision to get mental health help or just your interest in it as a reflection of them or something they did wrong. They might also have negative ideas of what it means to struggle with your mental health and what it says about you. Plus that topic can bring up past traumas in the family or tough emotions around their lived experiences.
While you should definitely have some empathy for all of that, you're also on your own journey. As you stick with therapy, you'll develop more emotional intelligence. You'll learn what dynamics work for you, which don't, and what triggers your uncomfortable feelings, says therapist John Tsilimparis, MFT.
To help you better navigate this not-so-pleasant path, we asked mental health pros for tips to balance your personal growth with your family's unwillingness or inability to work on themselves.
Resist preaching the gospel of therapy.
We get it. When you're in therapy and making big progress, it can be hard not to drop hints or demand your family do it too. But you shouldn't go there. Instead, you want to try to model how therapy is working for you and how you want to be treated by opening a dialogue (see: not pressuring them to see your side).
Rather than trying to force therapy down your family's throats, try something more subtle like, "I noticed that I had some tendencies I wanted to change, so I started going to therapy," says Jurist. Then add, "If you're ever curious about it, I'm happy to tell you more about my personal experience. It might be different from the impression you already have."
Keep reading for 5 more tips on dealing with family members who aren't in therapy.
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