How can I be better at confrontation—without being a jerk?
Does the thought of telling a friend they hurt your feelings make your skin crawl? Would you sooner swim with sharks than confront your partner when you're mad at them—even if they're the one who effed up? Honestly, you're not the only one. It can feel a lot easier to go through life avoiding confrontation (at least in the short term). But if it's become your default mode, you're not really doing yourself or anyone else a favor.
Though it might sound intimidating, dramatic, or even aggressive, confrontation just means voicing your feelings, and it's actually a normal, healthy part of human interaction, says Gail Saltz, MD, associate professor of psychiatry at the New York Presbyterian Hospital Weill Cornell School of Medicine. The ability to assert yourself, disagree, and express differing opinions enables you to be authentic and present in a relationship, Dr. Saltz says.
And, unfortunately, avoiding conflict is pretty much impossible in long-term professional, platonic, or romantic relationships, says therapist Erica Turner, LMFT. And, despite what you may think, a completely confrontation-free relationship isn't the goal. Disagreements, feeling hurt, or being impacted emotionally by someone are part of any significant dynamic.
That's why learning how to do confrontation well is so important. Because if you just pretend everything is fine or get passive aggressive when someone does you dirty, it can fester. With this thing living between the two of you, "you might start acting a little different, then they act a little different, and the relationship dynamic shifts," Turner says. Awkward!
Confrontation doesn't have to be the worst thing ever. But if you're still struggling to be open about your feels, here are a few expert-backed strategies for overcoming an allergy to confrontation.
1. Separate confrontation from aggression.
If the idea of confronting someone freaks you out, try to shift your perspective from I'm being aggressive to I'm being assertive, Dr. Saltz says. Truth is, confrontation is about being assertive, not provoking a fight. And rethinking the false narrative you have around speaking up makes confronting someone way less scary, she adds. It can also make you feel as entitled to assert your POV or kick off important conversations as anyone else is. Hey, it's a start!
Keep reading for 6 more expert-backed tips for overcoming your aversion to confrontation.
Nema komentara:
Objavi komentar