Happy Wednesday! We are closing in on one month until the pub date of True to You. If you’d like to get the book, consider preordering so you can download the bonus workbook I created for newsletter subscribers. And don’t forget to RSVP if you want to come to the book events in DC (also will be virtual) or Kansas City. I’ll also be doing a First Friday Q&A this week, and you can email me your questions or drop them anonymously here. - K Last weekend my husband was out of town for his college reunion. It was fascinating to observe the changes in my own functioning while he was away. My eating habits declined. I stayed up too late. My efforts to do the tasks he normally completes felt Herculean. What’s interesting is that he never tells me what to eat or when I should get some sleep. There’s no overfunctioning happening in those arenas. But I do gain some amount of pseudo-maturity simply by having another adult in the house. It’s fascinating how the presence of a significant person provides a mirror through which I observe my own behavior. Researchers have observed the power of knowing we are being watched. Or even potentially being watched. Leave a pair of cartoon eyes on the wall, and people are more likely to behave. Put a mirror in front of a bowl of unmonitored Halloween candy, and kids are likely to take fewer pieces. Our functioning goes up or down depending on who is in the room, or how they are responding to us. Or the simple thought of how someone might react if they knew. So much of what we call our own conscience is the power of the group, reminding us to stay in line. Maybe you become very busy when a partner is gone, needing to fill the time to avoid difficult emotions. Maybe you regress to your teenage self when you visit your family. Maybe you start to use fancier sounding words when an impressive colleague is present. Or you become a veritable cruise director with your friends, feeling over-responsible for everyone having a good time. None of these things are bad. But it’s useful to ask yourself, “Is this how I want to function?” Is there something to be gained from operating more flexibly in relationships? How does your functioning change based on:
We make these observations not to shame ourselves, but to see opportunities for seeing what we can do with ourselves. To function up or to function more consistently based on your own thinking about how to live or how to respond to a challenge. Here are your questions this week:
And finally, what are upcoming opportunities where I can observe this change in functioning? Observation doesn’t necessarily lead to change. But taking a researcher attitude to these situations creates the possibility for change. It also puts the responsibility back on oneself, rather than needing people to respond to you in a certain way. Have you noticed your own functioning change recently based on who was in the room? Drop a note in the comments. News from KathleenDon’t forget that you can access all past paid content for my newsletter (including worksheets and Q&A) by upgrading your subscription. Preorder my book to get the companion workbook today! Preorder my upcoming book True to You, submit your info here, and download the workbook + sneak peek of a chapter. Thank you SO MUCH to everyone who has preordered so far. Want a signed, personalized copy? You can preorder it from my neighborhood bookstore, East City Bookshop, the best bookshop of all the bookshops.
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srijeda, 5. lipnja 2024.
What's Real Maturity, and What's Pretend Maturity?
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